why god hates me

Like any new daddy, Casey Aldridge, baby daddy of Jamie Lynn Spears, took some pictures of his new family.

Awwww.

Then the idiot took the pics to his neighborhood Wal-Mart to get developed. Because why wouldn’t the boyfriend of a millionaire want to get a deal on his digital prints?

And what happened? Obviously, the under-paid employee of America’s most controversial store made extra copies of the pics and is shopping them around to the tabloids. Normally this wouldn’t be a huge deal, except for the fact that the pictures included shots of JL breastfeeding her newborn.

Yup! Another celebrity boob is exposed.

The Spears family and local authorities are looking into this whole scandal, but dirty dudes everywhere (Jamie Lynn is a minor!) are patiently waiting those pics.

Just remember this the next time you want to save a few cents on those pictures of yours; you never can trust the photo dude.

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Here’s a mystery story to distract you from the U.S. Banking Apocalypse. UltimateBet.com, “one of the top 10 poker sites,” has admitted that employees manipulated the software to cheat from at least January 2005 to January 2008, when some players started noticing an unusually high rate of wins for a certain user name. An Australian player mapped that user’s wins against accounts that had played a similar number of hands, and realized that “NioNio’s” wins were “less likely than ‘winning a one-in-a-million lottery on four consecutive days.’” But NioNio is just one part of the mystery.

As the players continued to dig, they concluded that NioNio was at the center of a web of accounts that were able to change user names with ease, making it harder for victims to detect the cheating.

UltimateBets launched an investigation when the players brought this to their attention, and in March of this year they issued a confirmation that certain players had been cheating by taking advantage of malicious code that had been inserted by prior employees.

As of September, no one has been named in the scandal, although some players have named a poker pro. Two other poker pros visited him in person, with a lawyer present, and now say they’re no longer sure he was the culprit—or at least not the main culprit.

Another problem is that the company that claims ownership of UltimateBet—”Tokwiro Enterprises, headquartered in the Kahnawake Mohawk Territory in southern Canada”—may be a front for Blast-Off Ltd., which has filed an $85 million claim against UltimateBet. The Kahnawake Gaming Commission has ordered an investigation of UltimateBet, but that’s not comforting some victims:

[Tokwiro] has issued some refunds and promised to repay any players who lost money once an outside investigation is completed. But many players who haven’t received credits remain fearful they will never see a dime.

“Poker site cheating plot a high-stakes whodunit” [MSNBC] (Thanks to Patrick!)

Here’s a mystery story to distract you from the U.S. Banking Apocalypse. UltimateBet.com, “one of the top 10 poker sites,” has admitted that employees manipulated the software to cheat from at least January 2005 to January 2008, when some players started noticing an unusually high rate of wins for a certain user name. An Australian player mapped that user’s wins against accounts that had played a similar number of hands, and realized that “NioNio’s” wins were “less likely than ‘winning a one-in-a-million lottery on four consecutive days.’” But NioNio is just one part of the mystery.

As the players continued to dig, they concluded that NioNio was at the center of a web of accounts that were able to change user names with ease, making it harder for victims to detect the cheating.

UltimateBets launched an investigation when the players brought this to their attention, and in March of this year they issued a confirmation that certain players had been cheating by taking advantage of malicious code that had been inserted by prior employees.

As of September, no one has been named in the scandal, although some players have named a poker pro. Two other poker pros visited him in person, with a lawyer present, and now say they’re no longer sure he was the culprit—or at least not the main culprit.

Another problem is that the company that claims ownership of UltimateBet—”Tokwiro Enterprises, headquartered in the Kahnawake Mohawk Territory in southern Canada”—may be a front for Blast-Off Ltd., which has filed an $85 million claim against UltimateBet. The Kahnawake Gaming Commission has ordered an investigation of UltimateBet, but that’s not comforting some victims:

[Tokwiro] has issued some refunds and promised to repay any players who lost money once an outside investigation is completed. But many players who haven’t received credits remain fearful they will never see a dime.

“Poker site cheating plot a high-stakes whodunit” [MSNBC] (Thanks to Patrick!)

What’s worse than a pregnant teenager????

A pregnant teenager who also had a history with drugs!!!!

Oh the shame.

We hope for her sake that this isn’t true, but….

According to their new cover, The National Enquirer claims that Republican VP pick Sarah Palin’s sperminated daughter, Bristol was caught doing drugs.

Wouldn’t surprise us!

With all the Spears women now mothers, the drama is only just beginning!

After finally burying the hatchet with her former momager Lynne - who even now is releasning a tell-all book rumored to contain some scandalous BritBrit history - Britney Spears has a new bone to pick.

Jamie Lynn’s fiancé, Casey Aldridge, was absent from the Spears’ recent family gathering.

Britney gathered the Spears women, including her new niece Maddie, in LA to celebrate her sons Sean and Jayden’s birthdays, and as In Touch Weekly exclusively reveals, Casey’s invitiation didn’t just get lost in the mail.

As we all know, Casey couldn’t keep it in his pants while Jamie Lynn struggled with her pregnancy.

But, according to a friend, Britney’s well-known longterm disapproval of Casey stems from her suspicion that the 19-year-old is just using her 17-year-old sister for money.

You can only say “Oops!..I did it again!” so many times.

Maybe Casey and K-Fed could work on a Popozao remix together????

It seems that Jamie Lynn may not have even minded Casey’s absence. The friend goes on to say, “It was a good time for her (Lynne) to get away from him (Casey) and spend time with her family around her.”

The Spears women just can’t seem to find a good man! Mother Lynne is divorced and Britney is twice divorced with a string of failed and sometimes bizarre relationships (hello Adnan!).

Ad who knows if Jamie Lynn’s engagement will even last!

In a recent interview with GQ Magazine, Megan Fox goes where few Hollywood starlets dare to:

“Fuck Disney.”

That’s what she said in defense of our favorite queens of tween, Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens, and their respective photographic scandals, saying that the blame should be directed toward those who betrayed the girls’ trust.

Foxy said the girls shouldn’t have to apologize for their sexuality, since, after all, “they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people.”

She might just have a point.

Not apologetic for her own seXXXuality, Megan declares her disdain for double standards when it comes to photos of her groping fiance actor Brian Austin Green, saying, “if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever” so she just “cups it a little.”

She also admits to a fling with a Russian stripper named Nikita her first year in Los Angeles on her own, and talks about how’d she’d get lap dances from Nikita to “get to know her.” Foxy Fox liked Nikita because “She was sort of a tough badass, but she’d do these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.”

We’ll give you a second to digest that image, gentlemen (and ladies).

But, sadly, Megan’s quick to reassure us that she’s not trying to steal Lindsay Lohan’s thunder. “Look, I’m not a lesbian—I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes.”

What could possibly make Megan Fox any hotter?

She was recently at Comic-Con in San Diego, admiring Batman sketches and revealing a love for comic books and superhero and fantasy films since childhood. And of the Comic-Con attendees she says, “They’re not nerds. They’re just passionate.” She’s even spent all day just watching Austin Green play Gears of War.

So Megan Fox is a hottie who likes comic books, video games, and girls, and possesses “the libido of a 15-year-old boy.”

Again, you’re welcome.

Remember melamine, last year’s pet-killing poison? It’s back with a vengeance, and this year it wants Chinese babies. As many as 10,000 may have consumed melamine-laced milk powder, according to authorities. Even worse, a New Zealand company detected the poison weeks ago but couldn’t convince local officials to issue a recall. Only after New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark demanded action did the Chinese recall the death milk.

Two brothers surnamed Geng were arrested for “producing and selling toxic and hazardous food,” police in Hebei, the north Chinese province where Sanlu is based, told Xinhua.

From late last year they added melamine to the 3 tonnes of milk they sold on from farmers every day, the report said.

“Geng did so because he suffered losses after milk from his station had been rejected several times by Sanlu Group,” it said.

Farmers or dealers may have diluted milk with water and added melamine, used in plastics, to make the protein level appear higher than it really was.

Thankfully, none of the tainted milk powder was exported to North America.

Liu Changjiang, minister of GAQSIQ (the General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine for those who forgot,) strongly condemned the Sanlu Group, which may have known of the contamination back in March, saying:

“It’s shocking. It’s a crime against the people.”

No no, dear friend. After last year’s scandals, not even 10,000 poisoned babies counts as shocking.

(Though, obviously, it’s a terrible tragedy.)

Tainted formula again raises concerns about Chinese products [Boston Herald]
Hundreds affected in milk scandal [Reuters]
PREVIOUSLY: House Investigators: The Chinese Government Can’t Protect Its Own Citizens, Let Alone Ours
(Photo: Getty)

Remember Melamine, last year’s pet-killing poison? It’s back with a vengeance, and this year it wants Chinese babies. As many as 10,000 may have consumed melamine-laced milk powder, according to authorities. Even worse, a New Zealand company detected the poison weeks ago but couldn’t convince local officials to issue a recall. Only after New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark demanded action did the Chinese recall the death milk.

Two brothers surnamed Geng were arrested for “producing and selling toxic and hazardous food,” police in Hebei, the north Chinese province where Sanlu is based, told Xinhua.

From late last year they added melamine to the 3 tonnes of milk they sold on from farmers every day, the report said.

“Geng did so because he suffered losses after milk from his station had been rejected several times by Sanlu Group,” it said.

Farmers or dealers may have diluted milk with water and added melamine, used in plastics, to make the protein level appear higher than it really was.

Thankfully, none of the tainted milk powder was exported to North America.

Liu Changjiang, minister of GAQSIQ (the General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine for those who forgot,) strongly condemned the Sanlu Group, which may have known of the contamination back in March, saying:

“It’s shocking. It’s a crime against the people.”

No no, dear friend. After last year’s scandals, not even 10,000 poisoned babies counts as shocking.

Tainted formula again raises concerns about Chinese products [Boston Herald]
Hundreds affected in milk scandal [Reuters]
PREVIOUSLY: House Investigators: The Chinese Government Can’t Protect Its Own Citizens, Let Alone Ours
(Photo: Getty)

“Dad chases naked teen from daughter’s room with pipe“

Scandalicious! CLICK HERE to read the article accompanying this headline.

[Image via WENN.]

Dad chases naked teen from daughter’s room with pipe

An angry Deltona father whacked his teenage daughter’s boyfriend with a metal pipe after finding the boy naked in his daughter’s room.

Authorities say Raul Colon, 45, didn’t even know his daughter had a boyfriend or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year.

When he heard noises coming from his daughter’s bedroom Thursday morning and saw a stranger standing naked on the girl’s bed, he swung a metal pipe. He then chased the teen out the front door and called police.

The boy was taken to the hospital where doctors closed a head wound with staples.

Colon was charged with aggravated battery on a child and bonded out on $10,000.

Could this have been a publicity stunt?

It looks like thousands of DC Batman comic books need to be destroyed.

The reason?

Apparently a “printing error” revealed a ton of curse words and obscenities.

The words, like fuck and sit, were supposed to be blacked out. However, two shades of black were used and the curse words were clearly legible, including words like a-hole and c*unt.

Scandal!

One part of the comic has Batgirl saying “Text every friend you’ve got, sh*theads. Sell your poison somewhere else. This here arcade belongs to the f*cking Batgirl.”

When did that slut get such a potty mouth???

Has Batgirl been hanging out with Miley Cyrus????

The curse words appear in All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder No. 10.

So, DC Comics has asked all vendors to destroy the copies they receive, as they caught the error earlier this week while the comics were heading to the stores.

Some shipments were able to be stopped, but others got delivered and those were asked to be destroyed.

According to DC, the error was “a printing gaffe” which caused “a problem with All-Star Batman. As soon as the problem was discovered, we quickly asked retailers to pull the issue. We apologize to our retailers and fans for any offense or inconvenience.”

And while some comic-book stores have pulled the issues, others still have them for sale, like St. Mark’s Comics in NY.

The owner says, “We’ve sold a lot. We didn’t destroy it because we couldn’t know everyone would destroy it.” Oh, and they’re also not inflating the price. The comic is still being sold for the cover price of $2.99, adding “There’s no need to inflate the price. It’s wrong and evil and slimy.”

Yea, and it helps that people can buy it for cheap, because then they can sell it online and rip others off.

A few copies have already been found on eBay selling between $20 and $250.

[Image via Getty Images.]