why god hates me

Take this for what it is, but…

A British tabloid, The Sun, is reporting that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are set to release a statement announcing their intentions to divorce.

Mkay!

This alleged statement is said to be release “imminently.”

Madge and her man are going public with their split, according to the paper, because they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer”.

Uh huh!

Guy has flown back from France, postponing filming of his new movie Sherlock Holmes, to break the news to his parents.

This week he will take his possessions from the couple’s London home, which Madonna owns, and move into their Wiltshire home, which he owns.

Madonna — in New York on Monday night for the premiere of her new movie Filth And Wisdom — initially planned to move back to the US with their three children in July.

The source said: “She was adamant that she was leaving Guy and not coming back.”

But talk of the separation leaked out — along with rumours that Madonna was secretly seeing a married baseball star — and Guy flew out in a public last-ditch bid to repair the marriage.

The Sun reports that the two have been arguing a lot lately. Over a bunch of different crap.

Blah blah blah.

We’ll believe it when we see the OFFICIAL statement! If there is one!

[Image via WENN.]

I’ve been single (and loving it) for a long, looong time. So long, in fact, that I’ve fallen into a rut. I go to class, I come home, I eat, I hang out, I go to the gym, I watch TV, etc. It’s the same stuff all the time, and for a long time [...]

Yesterday we lamented the insane detox spa in Italy where women submit themselves to nude body scrutiny, liquid fasts and daily colonics to flush out toxins, reverse aging and optimize weight-loss.
While the idea of chugging gallons of vinegar to cleanse the body sounds tempting, not all of us can afford the $8000 price tag.
Still want [...]

Email just isn’t private anymore.  Everyone knows that.  Big Brother is always watching — especially if you work at a giant company where CEOs have enough money to have you killed, stuffed into a bag, and “disappeared” forever.
Which is why it’s hilarious to read about people using their work email to send private messages.  How [...]

[Wanna ask Tuffy Luv a question? Shoot her an email at asktuffyluv@gmail.com and get an answer. Tuffy Luv is posted every other Tuesday. So emmmmaiiiiillllll!]
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m dating this guy who is really great in (almost) every way. He’s cute, my friends all like him, and he’s a lot of fun to hang out [...]

I know what I’m asking for this Christmas! Lord knows I need some practice before my real cat lady days set in. Sigh.
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There is a guilty pleasure many women have that men will NEVER understand: handbags. As my ex once said, “It’s a thing to hold your stuff, for God’s sake!” But it’s more than that: it’s a fashion statement, an accessory, and, for a lot of us, an obsession runs deep.
So whenever a new [...]

If this isn’t the most outrageous story  I’ve heard in a while, I don’t know what is.
Apparently, CNN anchor Anderson Cooper’s great-great-grandfather Cornelius Vanderbuilt was the slave owner of Michelle Obama’s great-great-grandfather, Jim Robinson. And what’s more, Anderson’s kin has personally invited Obama to visit her ancestor’s grave at the Georgetown, SC plantation named Friendfield. [...]

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Walmart appears to be having some difficulty matching images to products. Or, then again, maybe they’re not.

Bonus Hilarity: Summer’s Eve Feminine Spray. [Best Week Ever] (Thanks, Eric!)