why god hates me

Do you like flying? Well then you’re going to love cruising with Royal Caribbean! The cruise line recently announced plans to charge customers who order steak in the main dining room a $14.95 surcharge.

Spokesman Harrison Liu told us that the initiative was a trial to determine whether cruise passengers are interested in “paying a little more for the option of an organically raised cut of beef.”

Now, Liu has contacted us to rescind information that we received from him and duly reported. The correction? The steak in question is actually not organic after all.

Liu says that the New York strip steak being offered in the main dining rooms on these two ships is “an all natural strip steak … it is not organic.” And here’s another clarification. It turns out that the New York strip is a Black Angus steak after all. We were first told “yes” and then “no” (after which we promptly posted a correction); now, we’re back to “yes.” Oh, and a final newsflash: the steak is also being tested in [the alternate dining room] Chops, contrary to what we were originally told. There’s no additional fee to try the all natural steak in the specialty restaurant, as it’s included in the regular cover charge.

Cruises are attractive because they’re all-inclusive, which once meant that all was included. Not anymore! Cruises are quickly devolving into luxury airlines, a slower, more expensive, way to get nickel and dimed as you try to get away from it all.

As always, the surcharges are entirely your fault. Cruise lines complain that you gluttonous cruisers are demanding more choices. Your steak needs to be natural, or organic, or whatever—you don’t care as long as it’s more expensive than the “variety meats” the rest of the floating swines are feasting on. Or, as we still can’t believe a Celebrity Cruises VP once said: “When people go on vacation, they want to spend money.”

Royal Mis-Steak: $14.95 Entree Not Organic After All [Cruise Critic via Tripso]
PREVIOUSLY: The Future Of Cruising: Botox And Data Mining

The weekend is finally here!  After five long, tiring days of work, school, and fixing all of your friends’ problems, Saturday and Sundare are here to save you.

What better way to kick off your two days of freedom than by going to see some new movies?  You may have caught the previews for some of these, but all of them are out today…

Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist — If you loved Juno, you’ll like this movie
Beverly Hills Chihuahua — This is for all the animal lovers out there
How To lose Friends and Alienate People — Possibly your life, in a movie starring Kristin Dunst
An American Carol — A spoof on Michael Moore and his fims. Pure satire comedy!
Flash of Genius — A Man Against Machine docudrama
Blindness — Blindness is contagious
Rachael Getting Married — Family drama and a wedding, what more can you ask for?

I wouldn’t be the movie buff that I am without saying my pick of the week, and sorry to tell you, it’s not Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist, even though I am looking forward to seeing it. My pick is Blindness. This movie is so close to real life it’s scary, and it doesn’t hurt that Dr. Christina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy is in it.

So there you have it, the new releases for this week!  Now go grab your significant other, the one you’re hooking up with, or your best friends, and enjoy a movie tonight.

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Last weekend the biggest man whore on campus asked me to go home with him. My first reaction was, “Hell yeah! HE KNOWS WHO I AM…and he wants to do me!!!” Which was immediately followed by, “Ew, do I have to get tested for STDs cuz he just talked to me!?”

I said no that night (and by “said no” I mean “spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor vomiting up Jimmy Johns and Jameson”), but I have been thinking about it ever since. I mean, we are Facebook friends now, so the opportunity is obvi still there.

I have always been a big fan of pro/con lists, so I am going to make one here. So, here it is: The Pros and Cons of Hooking Up With a Major Man Whore. I hope this helps if you are ever presented with such a conundrum. (more…)

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Mmmm. I hope it’s on the dollar menu!

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Well, the good part about this week is that banks all around the world did not explode, some kind of bailout plan was passed (though don’t ask us to decode it), Sarah Palin and Joe Biden managed to be civil and keep their mouths from f*ckng up at their debate (plus, a new favorite catch phrase was born!), Jeremy Piven’s hotness did not wane, weed suddenly became good for us, and we found out the identity of the REAL Joe Six Pack.

Let’s see, what else happened that wasn’t completely sh*tty…?

Oh, right. We let our inner Halloween bitterness out and felt much better for it, uncovered the horrible undertones to Allstate’s advertising campagin, and learned how to love and protect our awesome boobs.

Unfortunately, there were some not-so-great things that occured this week — and we’re not talking about our realization that we hadn’t blended our make-up one morning. Our birth control flipped the crap out, we realized our college dining halls were nothing compared to these, and the fun of Elementary School seems so, so far away.

Whether your glass is currently nice and half full or running on empty, take solace in the fact that the weekend has arrived to provide us cold beers, fresh-baked cookies, and HBO’s True Blood (What? You don’t watch this show?! Dude…find a way).

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There is a big difference between girls who are crazy and girls who do some crazy things. Right?

RIGHT?!

I mean, we’ve all done something a little…extreme when feelings were involved. It’s not our fault; our hearts were doin’ the talking.

And, yes, we may have “accidentally” dumped a drink on the girl our crush was flirting with at the bar, but it’s not like we cut off her ponytail when she wasn’t looking (although we may have considered it).

Everyone has been driven to the brink of insanity at some point in their lives, so in an effort to make ourselves feel a little less psycho-girly, we asked the CollegeCandy writers to weigh in on their deepest, darkest moments. Feel free to share your own crazy moments in the comments section. We won’t judge.

Julia – UC Berkeley: I’ve definitely pretended I was forming a study group to get the number of a hot guy in my class!

Alex - Cornell: I’m a fantastic Facebook creeper. Even if I only get a first name, I can almost always find their profile. That’s the beauty of Thunder Bay! More specifically, I’ve drunkenly added bar makeouts; that’s just embarassing!

Lauren - University of Michigan: I may or may not have befriended every one of his roommates and friends just to get to him. And walked 15 mins out of my way to pass his house on the way to class in hopes he’d be walking out at the exact same time…. (more…)

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(In our second stab at our weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], we decided to take on the almost inappropriately young looking, but totally adorable, Michael Cera.

If you were one of the few who watched, you will remember him at George Michael on Arrested Development. Or you may have fallen in love with him and his short shorts as quirky Pauli Bleeker in Juno. Whatever. You should totally know who he is, and even if you don’t one look at him and you will totally understand why he is a total G.W.E.E. [gently].)

Ok, so he’s not the sexiest man on the planet. In fact, if we saw him hanging out at Starbucks between classes we probably wouldn’t give him a second glance on our way to the Splenda, but there is something about Michael Cera that is just so….effable.

He is the nice guy. The modest guy. The quiet guy. The guy who doesn’t say much, but when he does it’s funny and cute and sweet and totally makes you want to tear his clothes off and eff him. Especially in that quiet Canadian accent.

Cera is the quintissential underdog. And we love to eff underdogs. He may look like your average American Apparel-wearing dude on the surface, but there is so much more there. He is a brilliant actor and should be on everyone’s effing radar. He plays in a band! He has an internet show! He once was a Berenstein Bear!

Ok, so that last one is a little creepy. Sorry. (more…)

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Every week I scour the net for celebrity looks I adore. Then I scour the net for cheaper versions of said celeb styles. Usually, I go for something trendy or chic, or something for a night out.

But then I saw this picture of Kylie Minogue. And my world changed. (JK- how pathetic would that be! But it did scream Perfect Balance!)
And so I thought, why not copy this look for you and maybe, just maybe, YOUR world would change too!

Because now dear readers, you can finally achieve that look we all strive for: the one that is that perfect blend of looking put together yet disheveled at the same time. A harmonious ensemble that clearly says “I care about your class, Professor Stein… but not that much, cute boy who sits behind me in lecture.”

So this week, I bring you: Celebrity Chic on the Cheap: Fashion POLICE This!
(more…)

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So, apparently the Wall Street crisis is hurting people in more ways than we thought. We’ve discovered yet another desperate person trying to sell sex to pay off debt.

Remember that crazy, desperate college grad student from Sacramento who tried to sell her virginity to pay for her student loans (I guess working and saving is just not as profitable)?

Well, looks like she inspired someone because after Johnny No Name blew away the severance pay he was offered when he was let go from his investment banking firm position, he decided to move on to selling his gay virginity online — because whoring yourself out is the must have job of the year.

What is gay virginity, anyway? According to him, it’s a hand job and/or blow job, but absolutely no anal (at least not part of this specific deal), because he’s not gay. Sure, keep telling yourself that.

The real comedy comes when he swears to the bidders he is “HOT” and looks like Adam Brody. Well Johnny, if you’re so “HOT,” maybe you should try to model your way out of debt instead of selling a hand and blow job.

…Just a suggestion.

It may or may not shock you, but where there is one desperate person there is of course a few more; currently Johnny No Name has a high bid of $11,000.

You gotta loves those brothels in Nevada and Rhode Island, thanks to them this is all perfectly legal. I wonder if Mr. No Name’s plane ticket from New York to Nevada is included in the bid?

This is just another piece of evidence that shows how far people will go for money and sex. Would you sell your body to pay off thousands of dollars of student loans?

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I’m sure you’ve seen the previews for the new movie “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” which comes out tonight. It’s based on a great teen fiction book by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. The book chronicles the adventures of two teenagers, Nick and Norah, who meet by chance in a club and spend a crazy night together in New York City. All the events of the evening revolve around music, hence the title. Duh.

Since music is what links Nick and Norah, so much so that she even refers to him as her “musical soulmate,” the film has to have a wicked soundtrack. (more…)

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