why god hates me

You might think driving to a Time Warner office, filling out transfer forms, and copying your IDs—twice—might convince Time Warner to change the name on your bill; but you would be wrong.

Rather than waste another 45 minutes languishing in line, Matt used our contact information to launch everybody’s favorite armament, the Executive Email Carpet Bomb:

Dear Mr. Jeff Simmermon and Ms. Terry Cronin,

The good people at the Consumerist recommended I email you with my problem, which has dissolved into a Kafka-esque farce.

The thumbnail sketch of my situation is this… In mid-June, my roommate Alexis moved to Seattle and out of the apartment we shared. I stayed in said apartment and wanted to continue TW’s service. Before she moved out, we’d gone into a TW Cable office, filled out the transfer forms, had them copy our IDs and thought everything would just be transferred—after all, we were only changing the name on the account, not any of the services—and they assured us it would be.

Toward the end of June or thereabouts, I received a letter saying that somehow they had not received a copy of my driver’s license, though I’d seen the woman who took our applications make one. Odd, I thought, but I dutifully made a copy of my license, filled out the form, and sent it in. I call to confirm that this is all I need to do. I’m assured it is.

In late July, I realized that the account was still in my roommate’s name when she got a new bill, so I went in to my local office (in Santa Monica) for the second time. I was told to go to the Culver City office as that’s ‘where the paperwork is…’. Uh, okay….so I drive over, wait in line for about 45 minutes, fill out all the paperwork again, they make TWO copies of my license. I confirm—enough times that they started to get annoyed—that this was all that needed to be done and the names would be changed automatically within two weeks.

Guess what I found out today? That’s right, the change has not been made.

I call TW Cable from work. I’m told to go into an office. I explain I’ve done that already. I ask for a supervisor. I wait for 40 minutes due to high call volume until my office closes and I have to go home and try again. Then I decide to give emailing you two a try.

Please, all I want to do is change the name on the bills. No service changes to my phone, cable or internet. No address change, either. Literally everything should be the same except the name on the bill.

Please, is there anything you can do? I’ve been happy with my service overall—which I’ve had since TW took over our account from Comcast—but this experience has wasted so much of my time (two Saturdays, several hours on weeknights, plus an hour at work today) that I’m exploring other options.

Thank you and regards,
Matt

Terry Cronin later responded:

I do apologize for all the confusion! I certainly will have this looked into right away. You should receive a call sometime today.

Read our handy guide and you too can learn how to fire the problem-solving Executive Email Carpet Bomb.

(Photo: Getty)

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Wall Street is preparing for one of the largest bankruptcies in U.S. history as it becomes apparent that nobody wants to buy Lehman Brothers. Government officials are keeping the public’s overextended credit card sheathed as they race to keep the fourth-largest U.S. investment bank from failing before the start of trading tomorrow.

Both Bank of America and Barclays rebuffed the Fed’s entreaties to scoop up Lehman’s profitable parts.

Barclays said it was approached by the U.S. Treasury at the end of last week, and saw in Lehman “a potential opportunity to significantly enhance our investment banking and investment management franchise in key areas.”

`The proposed transaction required a guarantee for the trading obligations of Lehman Brothers which was potentially open-ended,” Barclays said in a statement. ` Barclays wasn’t willing to assume such an open-ended obligation.”

The US government had hoped to arrange a bailout under which other US investments banks - such as Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs - would finance a “bad bank” that would hold the most “toxic” investments of Lehman in the property and mortgage market.

The “good bank” or rest of the firm, including its investment and wealth management arms, would then be sold to another financial institution, for example Bank of America or the UK’s Barclays.

Although such a deal would have cost the other investment banks millions, it might have restored confidence in the sector and avoided a sharp drop in the share price of all banks.

However, it appears that this plan is falling apart.

Lehman’s lawyers are writing up the Chapter 11 papers as Wall Street and the Fed officials continue with their emergency meetings.

If nothing else, Bloomberg reports that the bankers and regulators were at least able to agree on a comprehensive mid-afternoon snack break:

At 11:30 a.m., five delivery-men arrived at the Fed building with carts of sandwiches, as the talks continued.

Lehman edges closer to insolvency [BBC]
Barclays Abandons Talks to Buy Lehman Over Guarantees [Bloomberg]
Lehman’s Fate Is in Doubt as Barclays Pulls Out of Talks [The New York Times]
(AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

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Tim enjoyed his unlisted phone number for over thirty years until Charter published it in the local phone book. Now he has two options: ditch his long-time number, or lose his cherished anonymity. Inside, Charter’s apology letter.

Tim writes:

I thought you might find the attached (redacted) letter of interest. I’ve had an unlisted phone number for over 30 years, but no more. Moreover, although I use a PO box for billing and everything else, this letter was sent to my street address, so that is probably the address that was sold and will be associated with my phone number. The worst of both worlds.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.
You can’t un-ring a bell, but at last Charter seems slightly sorry for the surprise outing. Other than not publishing Tim’s number in the first place, how else, if at all, do you think Charter should respond?

(Photo: Getty)

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This is the view when you order a toasted whatever from the Quiznos in Warren, New Jersey: a cleaning rag and a bug zapping racket. Mmmm…toasty!

Tipster Alexander writes:

These were in plain view at the Warren NJ Quiznos. It’s one of those creepy bug zapper raquets with the dirty rag the guy used to pick up hot things with on top of it. This is taken with my iphone from right where you stand when you order a sandwich. I am never eating there again.

Whatever is up there, it’s not artisan bread.

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Do you want to know if AT&T boosts your rates? Maybe you want to pay only for services you ordered or explicitly authorized. Tough! AT&T’s new 2,500 page “guidebook” is the latest spawn of California’s failing experiment with deregulation, one that is in “direct violation” of the law, according to the Public Utilities Commission.

Witteman said a key problem with AT&T’s service agreement is that the company doesn’t list all the terms and conditions that apply to customers. Rather, AT&T says customers must review a separate “guidebook.”

That guidebook is available only online, Witteman said, and runs about 2,500 pages. “What consumer is going to slog through that?” he asked.

Moreover, the service agreement says AT&T will “generally” provide written notice of price increases at least 30 days in advance, except when such notice isn’t “commercially reasonable.”

Witteman said the online guidebook and ambiguous notification policy appear to violate a California statute requiring that consumers “be given sufficient information to make informed choices.”

AT&T’s service agreement is written in dense legalese and essentially gives the company as much latitude as possible — while limiting customers’ ability to seek redress.

[..]

An analysis of the agreement prepared for PUC staffers found fault with a variety of AT&T’s provisions, including this one: “You also agree to pay for all charges for services provided under this agreement even if such calls were not authorized by you.”

The analysis said this “is in direct violation to cramming laws,” which protect consumers from having unauthorized charges placed on their bills.

Under the provision, the analysis concluded, “AT&T, or any other billing agents, could impose unauthorized phone calls on a consumer’s bill.” It said consumers would have “little chance in both avoiding and fighting against this type of fraud.”

Unlike mandatory binding arbitration agreements—which are included in the guidebook—you can’t simply opt-out of these new terms. “If you do not agree with the provisions of this agreement, your sole option is to cancel your services . . . within 30 days after receipt of this agreement.”

Go free market, go!

AT&T buries customer rights in 2,500-page ‘guidebook’ [The Los Angeles Times]
(Photo: jetsetpress)

Tags: death, fraud, legal

Travel writer Chuck Thompson buried 12 unconventional travel tips in his memoir Smile When You’re Lying. Included on the list: lie, steal, and over-spend.

Lie

Great news! You’re eligible for all sorts of discounts because you work for a Fortune 500 company. What, you don’t work for a Fortune 500 company? How would rental agents know? Mention it before they ask, or if they offer a rate, respond with: “Geez, that’s a little higher than I paid last time I’m a regional director for Microsoft out here in [wherever] and I’m pretty sure we have a rate with you guys.”

Once the discount is in the computer, it’s there to stay.

Or if you want a bulkhead seat on your next flight, tell the gate agent that you’re prone to, err, deep-vein thrombosis and you have a doctor’s note or a note on doctor-like stationary to prove it. Or you can try to earn your sympathy because you’re *ahem* on your way to your best friend’s wedding and you’re worried about speaking at the rehearsal dinner.

Hang Up On Morons

Trust your instincts. The person on the other end of the line is a moron. Hang-up and try again.

At least that’s what travel-man Thompson recommends. We know that front-line employees rarely solve problem, so instead of playing whack-a-mole with unhelpful CSRs, politely escalate until you find someone who isn’t a moron.

Steal An Extra Inch Of Legroom

All that junk airlines cram into seatback pockets? Throw it out. You don’t need magazines and promotional garbage. Chuck everything—except the barf bag—into the overhead bin and enjoy a free extra inch of legroom.

Eat A Meal Before You Board

It’s not like they’ll serve you free food onboard, so swing by a restaurant on your way to the airport and fill up. Or at least grab some fruit before you board.

Resurrect Dead Batteries

Rub dead batteries briskly against your pant leg for a minute. The static generates a recharge that should last for an hour. May not work with iPods.

Don’t Be A Jackass

Look, they don’t know that you lied about the wedding and the deep-vein thrombosis, but they will notice if you’re That Guy, and employees will make it their mission to pay you back in full. Smile, say “thank you,” and have a pleasant attitude.

Bribe

Oh, this box of chocolates you got as a gift that you happen to be allergic to? Would you like them, Ms. Gate Agent who can get you out of the middle seat?

Apparently this form of bribery works if you’re smooth enough.

And gate agents do have extra seats, if you’re nice. On Boeing 767s, seats 17A B H and J are comfy coach spots reserved for the crew on international flights. On domestic flights, they stay open until right before boarding, along with business class and first class seats, and are given to traveling employees and gate agent favorites.

Tip Early

$10 on the first night of your stay goes a long way to saying you might give more later if they don’t spit on your toothbrush.

Pay Up

You’re on vacation, pay up. Don’t travel to the Caribbean and settle for anything less than an ocean view. Pay for the room, pay for the food, pay for the experience.

Ignore Jet Lag

It’s all in your head, whiner. Force yourself to adapt to the local time and walk off the sleepiness.

Smile When You’re Lying: Confessions of a Rogue Travel Writer [Amazon, The New York Public Library]

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Those “new” tires of yours could be six-years old and ready to disintegrate on the highway. Tire rubber dries out after six years, but unlike in Europe and Asia, American companies are allowed to sell expired tires long after they turn into death donuts. A 20/20 investigation found that the “new” tires on sale at Sears and Walmart can be up to 12-years-old. Inside, how to tell when your tires were born…

All tires bear a Department of Transportation number hidden on the inner wheel wall. At the end of the number is a four-digit sequence that shows the week and year the tire was made. Tires with the notation 3502 were made in the 35th week of 2002. If you only see three digits, get new tires immediately; your tires are from the 90’s and are way past their effective lifespan.

Listen as the mustachioed John Stossel explains:

Check Your Tires [The Kim Komando Show]
Aged Tires: A Driving Hazard? [YouTube]
(Photo: zorilla)

Tags: death

They’re upset!

Girlfriends Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have released a joint statement on MAN’s official blog about Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

They say….

“Sunday, September 14, 2008

UH OH!
Current mood: shocked

I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn’t be more supportive of a woman in office, but let’s face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be… Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she’s FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land…. Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play…

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?

I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice… I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the “lipstick on a pig” comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president…

Palin’s Desire to “save and convert the gays”-really??

According to this Associated Press story, the church of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is hosting a kind of conference devoted to the “conversion of Gays” — no kidding.

Here’s the AP text:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) ? Gov. Sarah Palin’s church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

You’ll be encouraged by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality,” according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child.

Palin’s conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain’s candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.

http://zennie2005.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah-palins-church-hosts-anti-gay.html

I feel it’s necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.

Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies… And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Oh, and…Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don’t pose for anymore tabloid covers, you’re not a celebrity, you’re running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!

And in the words of Pamela Anderson, “She can suck it”..

Lindsay- “I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for obama!”

Samantha- “I love this country- however i wasn’t born here and don’t have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november…. and if you’re in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won’t get renewed!!!”

xoxo
Lindsay and Samantha

Currently listening :
Obama for President 2008 Portrait Keychain
By Barack Hussein Obama”

[Image via WENN.]

Tags: celeb, love, obama, sex

Yes! Yes! Yes!!!!!!!

They are the undisputed Queens of Europop.

The Spice Girls have nothing on these girls!!!!

Girls Aloud have just dropped their latest single off their upcoming album and it is sooooo hot.

The tune is called The Promise and we LOVE it.

Can’t wait for the video!

What is especially amazing is that Girls Aloud are so damn consistently good.

They don’t release bad songs!!!!!!

Viva Nadine, Sarah, Cheryl, Kimbery and Nicola!!!!!!

Check out The Promise below.

Thoughts?????????

[Image via WENN.]

Tags: love

Here’s something to chew on!

Adrianne Curry just posted the following on her official blog:

“September 14, 2008 - Sunday

Hurricane Victims pay for their own rescues?
Current mood: aggravated

I am sorry, but I believe all these people should have to pay the bill for their individual rescues! When they issue a “certain death” warning and you are fucking dumb enough to stay, you do not deserve free aid. I watched people being interviewed on the news claiming they bought a bunch of beer and BBQ to sit through the storm. I bet these same people are crying for help as I type. This is fucking stupid! Why should we have to foot a dime for these dumbasses that ignored these warnings?

FREE transportaion was provided, many buses left half empty. FREE shelters were provided, many not filled up. People value MONEY and POSESSIONS more than their own lives? IDIOTS!

I feel like we reward stupidity in this country, and this is the perfect example of it. What do you guys think?

edited note:: I never said they should DIE, I said if they value their MONEY and POSSESSIONS more thn their own LIVES they should have to pay for endangering the lives of rescue workers, and sucking up more money this government DOESN’T have. someone claimed they didnt want to lose their job…I wasn’t aware the bank was open that day!”

What do U think about what Adrienne has to say?????
What do U think about what Adrienne has to say?????
What do U think about what Adrienne has to say?????
What do U think about what Adrienne has to say?????

[Photo via Getty Images.]

Tags: death